Navigating the Holidays: Unwrapping the Layers of Toxicity and Past Trauma
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The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. In a lot of ways this can be the case, however, for many individuals, it can be a complex and emotionally charged period. As an EMDR therapist, specializing in helping trauma survivors, I understand that the holiday season can stir up layers of toxicity and past trauma that may impact one's ability to fully embrace this time of the year. In this blog, we'll explore how these challenges manifest, offering insights into the reasons behind them and providing strategies to navigate the holidays with resilience and self-care.
As a side note about self-care, self-care is a multifaceted concept that extends far beyond the stereotypical imagery of bubble baths and scented candles. While these activities can be soothing, genuine self-care involves a holistic approach to nurturing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It's about consciously investing time and energy into activities that replenish your spirit and contribute to your overall resilience. For example, engaging in regular physical exercise not only benefits your body but also releases endorphins, promoting a positive mood. Taking the time to nourish your body with nutritious meals is a form of self-care that supports your overall health. Additionally, setting boundaries in your personal and professional life, as well as cultivating meaningful connections with others, can be powerful acts of self-care. Ultimately, self-care is about building a lifestyle that prioritizes your needs, fosters self-compassion, and empowers you to navigate life's challenges with strength and grace.
Understanding the Triggers
The holiday season has a unique way of bringing people together, but it can also act as a magnifying glass, intensifying emotions and triggering memories associated with past trauma. For trauma survivors, gatherings with family or even the pressure to conform to societal expectations can evoke a range of emotions, from anxiety, sadness, anger and even rage. These triggers can bring up unresolved traumas and often the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us that have been reinforced by these traumas. This can sometimes happen under the surface. You might notice yourself feeling a little down, or react suddenly to something with intense anxiety, panic or anger. This could be because you’ve experienced a trigger that has reminded your nervous system of past experiences that were traumatic.
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Toxic Family Dynamics
Family dynamics play a significant role in how individuals experience the holidays. For those who have faced toxic relationships or adverse childhood experiences, the prospect of spending time with family members may be anxiety-inducing. Old wounds can resurface, and the desire for a picture-perfect celebration can heighten stress levels. It’s also important to take into account that if those same toxic family relationships have continued, you might notice boundaries being crossed constantly, feelings of anxiety, discomfort or being triggered around a particular family member or conversation that might typically come up. And let’s be honest, the holidays often come with unbridled drinking which can only amplify the matters and make things worse.
The Impact of Unresolved Trauma
Unresolved trauma has a way of lingering, and the holidays can act as a spotlight, illuminating areas that may still need healing. EMDR therapy has shown to be very helpful in addressing trauma, but it's essential to recognize that the healing process is ongoing. The pressure to "be happy" during the holidays can inadvertently intensify feelings of shame or inadequacy for those still grappling with the aftermath of trauma. Here are some strategies for self-care that can extend beyond the basic bubble bath.
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Strategies for Self-Care
Setting Boundaries - Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for self-preservation. Communicate your limits to family and friends, and prioritize your mental well-being. It's okay to decline invitations or choose when and how you engage in holiday festivities. You are in control of this and you get to decide what you need for your own mental health and well-being.
Cultivating a Support System - Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends or chosen family who understand your journey. Having a reliable support system can provide a safety net during challenging times. As you think about what activities will aid in your self-care practice, connect with people who have similar interests and potential values.
Mindful Reflection - Take time for self-reflection and acknowledge your emotions. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help ground you in the present moment and alleviate anxiety. Even something as simple as taking a moment to acknowledge your emotion, name them, say (out loud) what you are feeling in your body and take time to move through that emotion can be extremely helpful. **Allowing the body to move through emotions can look like a lot of different things. Try 10 quick jumping jacks or run in place for one minute. Take a deep inhale and a very slow audible exhale releasing the stress out of your shoulders and jaw. Splash cold water on your face or take a quick cold shower if possible. Put on a favorite song and dance it out.
Embracing Imperfection - Release the pressure of achieving a perfect holiday experience. Embrace the imperfections and focus on the moments of genuine connection. Allow yourself the grace to navigate the holidays in a way that feels authentic to you. It’s easy to think based of social media, movies and many other spaces that we are supposed to have it all together and surrounded by happy loved ones during this time of year, 24/7. No tears, no anger, and no anxiety or past triggers of trauma. But that simply is not life. Embrace that life is messy, you can do this while also honoring your needs and the boundaries you have to set for your own well-being.
EMDR Therapy Phoenix - Kandace Ledergerber.
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Reaching Out for Help With EMDR Therapy
The holiday season, while laden with societal expectations, can also serve as an opportunity for personal growth and healing. As an EMDR therapist, I encourage you to approach this season with self-compassion and an awareness of your unique journey. By understanding the triggers, setting boundaries, and practicing self-care, you can unwrap the layers of toxicity and past trauma, fostering a holiday season that aligns with your authentic self.
Remember, healing is a process, and each step you take towards self-care is a powerful stride towards a brighter, more resilient future. If you find yourself wanting to take further steps towards healing from past trauma and are ready for a change, I encourage you to reach out for a free 15 minute consultation. EMDR therapy can helpful in healing from the past and feeling more present in your daily life.
