Navigating the Holidays Continued - How Past Experiences Mold Our Beliefs and How to Cope This Season
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As I was driving home this evening, I realized the holidays are in full swing here in the heart of Phoenix. I’ve noticed so many people hold a mix of excitement and anticipation. However, oftentimes, underneath the “Hallmark” movie moments and desire for connection, I find that many people, specifically trauma survivors, can experience this time of year with a unique set of challenges, frustrations, and a roller coaster of emotions. In this blog, we'll explore the profound connection between our past experiences, the beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world, and how trauma survivors navigate the holiday season. In addition to this, we’ll explore some tactics you can use and put into practice to give you a sense of balance during this holiday season, whether you are in Phoenix, Arizona, or anywhere else in the world.
The Impact of Past Experiences
It’s no secret that our past informs our present. I have often met individuals who say, “I don’t want to go to therapy and unearth all that childhood stuff!” We learn from our past experiences, good and bad. They shape how we see the world around us and how we see ourselves. I think this is especially important when the holiday season is in full swing, and we are often encouraged and have the desire for life to look more like a “hallmark” movie or a postcard than maybe other times of the year. Our past experiences, especially those marked by trauma, have a profound influence on our perceptions and beliefs. For trauma survivors, the echoes of painful memories can cast a shadow over seemingly joyous occasions. The holiday season, with its emphasis on family, connection, and celebration, can trigger a range of emotions and thoughts deeply rooted in past trauma.
Beliefs About Self and Others
Think about it from this perspective - as we develop as young children, we form neural networks left and right. We are learning new things every day. If we are exposed to particular messages, beliefs, and traumas, these, too, impact what and how we learn. For instance, if the message in the home was “It’s not okay to cry,” a child may learn to stifle their emotions, learning that they are unsafe and unpredictable and that they are “not good enough” when they let their emotions out. This seemingly small message goes with that child through their life, and they look for situations, relationships and patterns that reinforce this message. This hunt for confirming evidence does not necessarily happen on purpose but is really just how the brain works, to look for evidence that supports what it already knows is “truth.”
Trauma survivors often carry beliefs about themselves and the world that stem from their painful experiences. These beliefs can manifest as feelings of unworthiness, fear of vulnerability, or a pervasive sense of isolation. As the holiday season unfolds, these beliefs may intensify, making it challenging for survivors to fully engage in the festivities. Being around family members who reinforce these messages can make it all that much more difficult. On the surface, you may feel a range of big emotions, but overall, it may feel like there’s no one thing that triggered this cascade. This can be what a trigger might feel like, feeling a wave of big emotions while trying to unearth the actual source while in the eye of the storm.
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The Role of EMDR Therapy in Phoenix in Shaping Holiday Perceptions
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a powerful tool in the journey of healing from trauma. EMDR helps individuals process distressing memories, challenge negative beliefs, and foster the development of more adaptive narratives. As a specialized EMDR therapist, I have witnessed the transformative impact of this therapy on trauma survivors navigating the complexities of the holiday season. Since the holiday season stirs up a lot for the trauma survivor, it is not uncommon to notice a desire for change, an increase in emotions, and having a difficult time with situations that feel triggering. EMDR therapy provides a structured approach to addressing these triggers, allowing survivors to reprocess memories and reshape the associated beliefs. By doing so, survivors can begin to cultivate a more positive and affirming view of themselves and their place in the world during this festive time. In addition to this, finding a provider you can build a trusting relationship with is crucial to this work. For every person, there is a different type of therapist or healer that fits their unique needs. Don’t be afraid to go with your gut on this and choose a therapist or helper that is right for you and your needs. You deserve this.
The Body's Role in Healing
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It's crucial to recognize that trauma is not just stored in the mind but also in the body. The physiological responses associated with traumatic memories can resurface during the holidays (along with any other time of the year, but the holidays can be incredibly triggering). Our bodies hold on to so much of our experiences. This makes sense even if you think of it within the capacity that we tend to feel things first in our body. When you hear someone has a “broken heart,” a “pit in their stomach,” or “carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders,” and so many other cliche terms. These cliches are said for a reason and reflect how the body holds on to our memories, experiences, and beliefs. EMDR therapy, with its focus on bilateral stimulation, helps survivors process not only the cognitive aspects of trauma but also the somatic components. This holistic approach contributes to a more comprehensive and lasting healing process. This helps the body recognize it is no longer living in that moment, situation, or trauma and form new and adaptive information that is more accurate, helpful, and true to who we are at our core.
Practical Strategies for Navigating the Holidays
Set Realistic Expectations:
Actionable Step: Make a list of holiday activities and commitments. Prioritize those that align with your values and bring you joy. It’s okay to say no and decide what is realistic for you.
Why It Helps: Setting realistic expectations reduces stress and allows you to focus on what truly matters to you.
Establish Boundaries:
Actionable Step: Clearly communicate your boundaries with friends and family. Practice saying 'no' when needed without guilt. Again, you are allowed to say no.
Why It Helps: Boundaries protect your well-being and ensure you engage in activities that align with your comfort and emotional safety.
Create a Self-Care Plan:
Actionable Step: Develop a daily self-care routine for the holiday season. Include activities that ground and relax you. Self-care is often touted as a luxury. Practice taking time for things that genuinely help you restore.
Why It Helps: Consistent self-care helps manage stress, promotes emotional well-being, and provides a buffer against potential triggers.
Build a Support System:
Actionable Step: Identify a trusted friend or family member you can reach out to during challenging times. Share your feelings and concerns with them. Working with a therapist or other type of healer can also offer additional support where friends and family may not be able to help.
Why It Helps: Having a support system offers emotional validation and companionship, making the holiday season less isolating.
Mindful Reflection:
Actionable Step: Set aside a few minutes each day for mindful reflection. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. All of your feelings are valid. This doesn’t mean you have to act on each feeling, but it does mean that you are allowed to feel them.
Why It Helps: Mindfulness fosters self-awareness, helping you navigate the holidays with greater emotional resilience and presence.
Photo Description: EMDR Therapy Phoenix - Kandace Ledergerber.
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Remember, these strategies are flexible, and adapting them to your unique needs and circumstances is crucial. Feel free to modify the steps to suit your preferences and comfort level better. This process of reconnecting with one's needs is unique to each individual. It involves a compassionate and patient exploration of oneself, guided by the understanding that healing is a personal and empowering journey. As we navigate the holiday season, it's essential to acknowledge the intricate interplay between past experiences, beliefs, and the healing journey of trauma survivors. By embracing a holistic approach that encompasses both the mind and body, trauma survivors can find strength, resilience, and the possibility of joy during the holidays.
